A Better Way To Backdoor Play
The world may be experiencing greater and greater sexual liberation, but in many spheres Anal Play still maintains a bit of a bad rap, assumed to be something that is always and inherently uncomfortable and unpleasurable for the person on the receiving side. Many people – despite their curiosities – are apprehensive to even try anal explorations due to this looming stereotype of guaranteed discomfort. We can blame our media for a lot of this – painful anal is frequently what’s portrayed – but it doesn’t have to be this way! While booty stimulation may indeed not be for everyone (and that’s okay!) there are definitely some steps we can take to alleviate many – or even all – of the potential pitfalls on our journey to enjoyable anal.
A major factor stopping many in their tracks is a mental hurdle – a lot of the worries people express about diving into anal play include themes around cleanliness and comfort. These fears causing stress before the play even begins do not set the scene for a successful and enjoyable moment. Thankfully, the route to relaxation can be made easier.
When it comes to the possibly embarrassing cleanliness aspect, acceptance that our bodies can sometimes be messy and out of our control is certainly an easier-said-than-done goal, so if we’re not quite ready for a radical mindset of “whatever happens – happens!” then we can take fate into our own hands with a few different tools.
The quickest and easiest way to get past the road-block of anal being “icky” is to add a barrier! Condoms, gloves, and dams make clean-up fast and simple, and also provide safety when incorporating oral and/or vaginal penetration into the session. Want to switch from anal to something else? Remove the barrier. Want to go back to anal? Pop a new barrier on! Cleansing wipes can also be kept bedside for added comfort.
If that’s not enough, we can take it a step further and incorporate an enema. The downside is having to really plan ahead, but for some folks the added sense of security is worth it. If you’re new to enemas it’s advised that you start small and slow – you only need to clean out a few inches, and too much water can induce cramping (which will not help you relax!) Remember to use only plain water – no additives! – and you may want to try this out well ahead of your first (or next) anal session, so you can know what to expect. A great option for this would be the One Way Valve Douche by California Exotics – the tapered plastic tip allows for easy insertion, and the silicone reservoir bulb allows for customizable fluid control. Best yet – both pieces are made of non-porous, body safe materials and can be sanitized between uses.
Once we’re feeling mentally soothed, the physical aspect can be considered. Physical comfort starts with a really good lubricant – and lots of it! Probably more than you think is enough, and don’t be afraid to reapply!. Anal play may not always feel like floating in clouds made of marshmallows, but it should never hurt us. There is a big difference between “Hm, that’s different!” and being in pain. A large part of discomfort with anal can be attributed to the friction caused by not enough lubrication.
Lube for anal play will be a personal preference. There are lubes that are specifically formulated to be better for anal (thicker, longer-lasting) but if you’ve already got a lube that makes you happy, there’s no reason you can’t make it work for your bum! The key is abundant, lasting distribution, and something like a Lube Applicator can really come in handy. The butt is not self-lubricating, and the internal tissues are highly absorbent. Couple that with the sphincter being a tight squeeze, and it creates an issue of not enough lubricant getting into and remaining viable inside the anus. Lube shooters directly apply the lubricant inside the booty, keeping it slippery for the whole play session.
Now that we’re sufficiently relaxed and lubed, it all comes down to the final piece – position! When thinking about anal sex, many of us will almost instinctively conjure up an image of the receiving partner bent over on all fours, the other person standing or kneeling behind them. “Doggy style” – as it’s often called – is a classic position that can be fantastic for some, but it’s definitely not the be-all end-all of anal sex! We can instead try some new moves, or make minor adjustments to ones we already know to enhance both partner’s comfort levels.
“Missionary” is another classic, but it’s often overlooked for anal! No tweaking to the method may be needed, but the variations on basic Missionary can be endless – receiver’s legs together or spread in a wide V, one or both legs up, ankles hooked around the waist or all the way up to the neck, and so much more. All of these little adjustments can impact the angle and depth of penetration, as well as which muscles in the body are firing. Sex harnesses may seem like a thing only for the most kinky, but they can also be used for practical comfort! If holding one’s legs up and apart for extended lengths becomes tiring, something like the Super Sex Sling from Sportsheets can do the work for you. Don’t want to be restrained? Just slide the balls of your feet inside the cuffs instead. Another modification can be made with a positioning aid like those made by Liberator. These super sturdy pillows lift and support the receiver’s hips, offering up more comfortable angles for both partners. For the receiver, Missionary can allow them to lay back and really relax their legs and core muscles, which in turn leads to a more relaxed pelvic floor, minimizing discomfort in their bum. It can also feel like a more intimate position than one where they face away from their partner, which adds an additional layer of emotional comfort. If this is a position you’re quite used to, it can make for a smoother transition into anal.
Another you may already be well-acquainted with is a simple riding position – the receiver is on top, facing the direction of their choosing, straddling their partner. The receiver can either balance on their feet, or gain more stability on their knees. The giver – who now has their hands free – can help hold up their partner, or stimulate other parts of their body. This position allows the receiver to take total control of their comfort by being the one to decide the depth and speed of each thrust. This can be both physically and mentally reassuring if they have worries about their partner moving too quickly or deeply. A riding position also creates more space between the two bodies, allowing a fantastic opportunity to introduce some toys that other positions make tough to reach. The downside to this position is that riding can be quite the workout and it may be tricky to relax the anal muscles while getting in your squat reps, but there are more tools to the rescue! The Lovebotz Bangin’ Bench gives you a bouncy seat to help give your quads, glutes, and knees a break.
Anal sex may not immediately make you think of cuddling, but a “spooning” position may be a comfortable option for you both! The receiver can be positioned in any angle to the giver, they can be curled up in a ball, legs fully extended, or anywhere in between. They can be rolled a bit forward on their hip, straight on their side, or they can lean back into their partner a little, draping their top leg back over the giver’s body. This position again opens up many possibilities for both sets of hands to roam, leaves a ton of room for the incorporation of toys, and gives both partners a bit of their own personal “wiggle room” for controlling the speed and intensity of the thrust. This is a great position for a slow, leisurely session where neither person has to hold up any body weight or perform a delicate balancing act – you can just relax into the bed and move with each other at your own pace.
Doggy-style is of course still on the table – and can be made better with the same accessories that amplify the other positions. The downside of Doggy is often the difficulty for the receiver of holding their body weight in an unsupported position while staying in place under the momentum of each thrust (a Wedge or Positioning Strap under the hips would go a long way.) All of this strain transfers tension into the pelvic floor muscles, making everything tighter and frequently more uncomfortable. Despite this being the first position most people go to for anal, it’s probably best suited for after they’ve become a bit more familiar with how all parts of their body feel – which parts tense up, and how to relax them. A more flattened rendition of Doggy can give the receiver all the body relaxation of Missionary, and perhaps lessen the depth of the stroke a bit.
These suggestions are just the beginning of transforming your anal experience into something truly enjoyable – remember that everything can be modified to suit your needs, and keep exploring!
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