Reviews

First I tried the E-stim dual-stimulator. The shape was right but the sensations were all wrong (I hate e-stim and the vibes were non-existent. It sucked.) Then I tried the The Duo and that was fucking ah-maze-balls. Then came the SenseVibe  which had power potential, but didn’t fit my clit. So I circled back around […]

I really wanted to like this dildo. I know I start so many reviews this way, but I honestly believed I had a slam dunk with the Sensi and I’m supper bummed to report that I was wrong.  Uberrime are a sorta knew company on the scene making these really gorgeous marbled dildos. They’ve got […]

So, we’re immediately changing that name because the Fantasy For Her Ultimate Pleasure Dual Oral Sex Simulator and Vibrator is a lot. Turns out “Fantasy For Her” is a line of toys in the Pipedream brand (because they make SO much shit they need sub-categories) and “Ultimate Pleasure Dual Oral Sex Simulator and Vibrator” is […]

You may recall that I previously reviewed the original Womanizer Starlet, and I fucking hated it. I hated it the most out of all the “clit sucking” toys I’ve ever owned (eleven and counting.) My body eventually warmed up to and now cant seem to go without the Pro40, and I was devastated to learn […]

I really wanted a dual-stimulator vibe that I would like. I really wanted to like the SenseVibe. I really want a lot of things in life. But I don’t get most of them. Sadly, the SenseVibe just misses the mark with me, leaving behind a long long trail of what-could-have-beens and if-onlys. I’d been considering […]

Continuing my strange new influx of dual-stimulators, we have the Duo, courtesy of Womanizer.  Out of the 3 Womanizers and 6 Satisfyers I’ve tried, I’ve only really liked maybe 3? And of those 3 total only 1 is a Womanizer – the Pro40 – which of course was discontinued last year after it became one […]

Henceforth known as “The Impulse” because that name is excessive and I won’t keep typing it. I somehow went from never having tried a dual-stimulator ever to suddenly having THREE to review. How exciting. I want to preface this by admitting that I already had a pretty good hunch I was not going to like […]

Man I just don’t know with this butt plug. Maybe it’s me, but I’m pretty sure it’s not. I think this plug is just not the best idea. The names Blush chooses are always going to bother me. When they’re not 6 novels long, they’re redundant – of course the butt plug is wearable…what kind […]

I asked the universe for more butt toys, and the universe delivered. Well, actually it was SheVibe, but that’s basically the same thing. In many ways I am a creature of habit – I find something I like and I just stick with it. Don’t fix what ain’t broke, y’know? In the realm of anal […]

Listen, I’ve tried really hard to keep up this grudge I’ve been holding against Satisfyer since our first mass-casualty incident, but Womanizer discontinuing the only model (of the 3 I tried) that I liked, jacking up the prices on the mid-range models, and revamping the style of the new ones means that this hate-on I […]

Friends, we’re moving up in the world. Only by small increments, but still. The Aria Hot Tongue Rechargeable Bullet Kit is one of several silicone shapes paired with a small plastic bullet by Blush Novelties. The bullet has five levels of steady intensity and five patterns. The bullet is waterproof and rechargeable by magnetic charging […]

  This vibrator has no business sucking as much as it does. Seriously.   But before I get into that, there’s something else I need to get off my tits. WHY can’t Blush just pick one name? Every damn toy’s name is the length of a novel. “Exposed” is the collection name, which encompasses 10 […]

  I said back when I took a swing at the Iroha+ Kushi that I thought maybe I’d like something less texture-y and not as broad as the body but not as pin-point as the nub. In perusing the rest of the Iroha line, I settled on the Yuki as the shape that – if […]

The wearable remote egg vibrator has been a thing for…well for a while. I’ve owned a handful of cheap plastic blobs with wired controller attached, or little (hot pink because that’s very inconspicuous) boxy remotes that barely fit in the palm of your hand with simple on/off switches. A few of them did manage to […]

Here’s a phrase I’m getting extraordinarily comfortable with saying : I made a mistake.    I thought I was going to absolutely hate the Noje W3 – I actually turned down the offer to review it before from another retailer because I was just so very certain that I’d be writing the most uninspired trash […]

I did it again. I let myself be fooled by form instead of focusing on function. I’ll accept my responsibility here, but can you really blame me? The Kushi looks so fuckin’ cool.     The Tenga company originally began back in 2005 making masturbation sleeves and other toys for people with penises. Tenga stands […]

With the Womanizer Pro40 being the only toy that can reliably get me off at the moment, you’d think that maybe other models from the same company using the same type of tech just repackaged into different shapes would work just as well – wouldn’t you?   Well you’d be wrong. I thought so, and […]

  I’ve got a problem. I can barely get vibrators to work.   I talked a little bit about it already in my lack-lustre review of the Mini Swan Wand, but I’m finding it more and more difficult to orgasm with traditional vibrators. Even my go-to powerhouses like the Hitachi or Eroscillator aren’t making the […]

  Do you have any idea how difficult it is to force yourself (and your autocorrect) to type the word “dodil”? Very.   The Dodil is a very neat new idea that came out last year courtesy of an accidentally brilliant Swede who, while apparently trying to help a friend create a moldable fishing lure, […]

I hate this thing. Sometimes I know I’m going to hate a toy, but when someone asks me to review it I agree anyway, because a blog of only glowingly positive reviews isn’t fair. This was not the case with the Queen Bee. I thought I’d be really into the Queen Bee, I specifically rushed […]

  I feel like we need to talk a little bit about my G-Spot. I’ve talked about it before in my post specifically explaining the beginnings of my explorations into internal stimulation and the toys I liked at the time, as well as what I hoped to find in the future (more good G-spot toys), […]

I keep saying that I’ve found “my new favorite dildo”, that I’ve found “the next perfect dildo”…and then I move on to the next one. I think it’s safe to assume this will continue to happen and I have to concede that I just like a whole lot of dildos now. My new current fave […]

In a strange turn of events for someone who, prior to starting this blog didn’t even own a dildo, I seem to have myself an embarrassment of excellent dildos lately but not a single satisfactory new vibrator is crossing my path. Who even am I anymore? I’m trying to find some good internal-use vibes to […]

I’ve been on a positive review streak as of late and I have to admit it’s been pretty nice, but you know the saying – All good things must end. Unfortunately we end with the Snug Plug.     I consider myself a creature of habit. When I find pants that fit I buy 7 […]

I was astonished a few months ago to find a dildo that was so perfect it could oust my first true love – the Vixen Mustang – for my number-one-fave, so you can perhaps imagine my surprise when immediately after, I stumbled onto yet another close contender. I’ve got a hefty handful of insertables that […]

Suction cup-based dildos. It seemed like a good idea at the time…     A few months back I saw Early To Bed posting about these 100% silicone dildos that were only twenty-five dollars! Affordable body-safe toys are a big deal to myself and many others in the sex-positive community, so seeing something so cheap […]

Listen up people, I’ve got somethin’ to say!     I fucking love this dildo. Oh. My. Jesus. It’s so good.   Not words you’re used to seeing from me, right? Well I’m just as surprised as you are.   While I absolutely love them as a company that makes ethical, body-safe toys and, especially […]

God I hate this toy. I hate this toy more because it was actually not a terrible idea but the reality of it falls so short, it can only build a deep resentment for its horrible failure. MysteryVibe supposedly took a very long time in releasing this toy due to changes made from reviewer feedback, […]

I never saw myself putting something more unpleasant into my butt than that one Tantus plug I bought when I was 19 and knew nothing about butts, but I was sorely mistaken.     Hah. See what I did there. Sorely. Butts. YA GET IT? Oh, you will…   I’m not even certain how you […]

  Oh Womanizer. I definitely don’t love you, I kind of want to hate you – truthfully, I don’t know what I feel about you.   Despite knowing they were huge unapologetic rip-offs, I really wanted to be able to recommend the Satisfyer line of toys because of the wider range of shapes and the […]

  The Doxy Don (formerly the Skittle)…a review that has been a long time coming. Just prior to last year’s Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, Doxy put out a call on Twitter to any bloggers who would be interested in reviewing for them. I’d already reviewed their original wand, but this new prostate/G-spot toy was also […]

I wanted to like this toy so much, I really did. I thought I was going to finally write a really nice happy review. I’m one of those people who actually does really like to masturbate or get fucked face-down into the mattress, and it’s sort of hard and awkward to work something like a […]

This isn’t going to follow my typical review style, no, this time you’re going to hear a story, an emotional rollercoaster from start to finish, because it’s the only way I can give you all the info you need to understand why I’m going to tell you to not buy anything from the company Satisfyer.  […]

  Oh the Rave, how excited I was, how disappointed I actually am. Unfortunately, my review of the Rave is actually more of a rant.   I got ahold of the We-Vibe Rave after having discovered that G-spot vibration is actually quite nice if I do it right, and I was super hopeful that the […]

To accompany my post about how my clit works, I wrote one on my current understanding of my G-spot. I’m telling you this because I think it’s important to seeing where I’m coming from when deciding if my reviews are going to help you determine if you should buy a toy or not. If you […]

As someone who has been a fan of Tantus before even starting my blog, you could say I was over the moon in April (2016) when I heard that they were making their own vibrator – and a wand no less! As I saw more and more of the ads and newsletters being distributed prior […]

It’s tough for me to find dildos that I like, and even tougher for me to be excited about a dildo. I’m not a size queen by any stretch, and I try to stick to toys with a 1”-1.75” diameter. 1.75” is starting to push it for me, comfort wise, but for some reason this […]

  If you’re looking at purchasing a clitoral vibrator from We-Vibe, like many readers before you, you will probably find yourself wondering “Touch, or Tango?” The reason being that they share the same motor, they’re both waterproof, they’re both very quiet, they’re both quite small – the only real difference is in the shape and […]

I was worried when I received the Diver app-controlled vibrating egg from PicoBong’s Remoji line. PicoBong is owned by Lelo – something I had momentarily forgotten when I requested the toy from Shevibe – and I was briefly afraid that I’d have to say something nice about Lelo after previously stating that I would not […]

Below you’ll find a list of toys that I’m just probably not going to ever get around to writing a full 4000-word review for, but I occasionally reference them in other reviews and they’re listed in my Nightstand so I wanted to at least say something about them. If you have any further questions feel […]

Hi there! Been a while huh? You might have noticed (or maybe you didn’t) that the site looks a little different than the last time you dropped by – that’s because for the better part of 4 months I’ve been having this fancy new one built for me and had to migrate all my content […]

I’m about to share what might be the most unpopular opinion in the sex toy reviewer realm. I’ve had this toy since October and I’ve been anxious to speak about it, but I have to break my silence, I gotta take the plunge, I need to say what’s in my heart, reluctance and shame be damned.  But I already […]

The second sex machine in my arsenal of toys is The Shockspot Fucking Machine.  The Shockspot is about 15-23 pounds and when completely broken down can measure at 6x6x19 inches, but unless you’re trying to fly with this thing it’s not very big at all when left completely assembled, and slides under the bed quite easily. It […]

So, during the republican debate, Crave offered a sale that I moronically jumped on, and here I am as the new owner of the Vesper necklace vibrator. To be clear, I’m calling myself a moron not over anything to do with the vibrator or Crave, but because I didn’t consider the currency exchange, international shipping, and duties when […]

This delightful little thing, is called the kGoal. Get it? like Kegel…because it’s a kegel exerciser? Anyway.. First of all, I hesitate to call this a “toy” review, because the kGoal is not a sex toy per se. It vibrates, it’s a sexual aid perhaps in that it’s supposed to help you strengthen your pelvic muscles which has all […]

This is the easiest and shortest review I’ll probably ever give. Should this dildo even exist? No.  Okay fine, my vagina doesn’t speak for all vaginas, I shouldn’t assume you’ll hate something as much as I do. Fine. Fine….fine. I’ll tell you about it.     This is the Pipedream Icicles No. 24 I’d link to them but […]

Sorry for the two week sabbatical, I was out of town and failed to queue up some posts. I wanted to do a 100% positive review to make up for it, but it turns out I just don’t have another toy besides the Mustang that I feel 100% positive about – womp womp. I come […]

I’m going to tell you a story about something I love. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVEEEEEEEE It is with extreme rarity that I say that, just FYI. This week’s sex toy is the Mustang, by Vixen Creations. I’m gonna give a plug for Shevibe here as well, since that’s where mine came from. The box is NOT lying (about it being worth every inch). And […]

Folks…what you see before you is the Sybian. We’ve all heard of it, we’ve heard of its magic, its wonder, its incredibleness. Well, I have one.   And I hate it. Now, of course, this thing is amazing, it’s made dozens and dozens of people I know cum their brains out, it’s reduced other people to drooling stupefied piles of goo, […]

Typically when I start to think about a review I like to map out a list of things I definitely want to talk about, a pros and cons if you will. Well, for those who don’t like my multi-paragraph walls of text about these things, here you go, the TL;dr version   You know it’s […]