Reviews

Kinda weird that a brand called Tracy’s Dog would have a toy named an abbreviation of Pussycat, and for some reason, for this brand – of all brands, the one that has a category of toys on their website called “Fuck Me Up” (and still somehow the “Suck Me Up” headline is grosser…) the full […]

Hey there, hi, I’ve got a terrible review for you – big news, I know. This time we’re looking at the Mighty Thick Rechargeable bullet vibe by Evolved. It’s taken me an extra long time to review this pretty simple little toy, and the reason for that is that it won’t stay fucking charged. A […]

I won’t keep rehashing my complete disdain for this company’s name/branding in every review but if you didn’t catch my last one, and you’re here for my contempt towards crappy marketing then you’ll want to check out the first couple paragraphs over here. Tl;dr I fuckin hate this name and their branding. But we’re doing […]

Uhm…I love this? It’s weird, I know – you’re not used to hearing me say those words – but this little G-spot vibe has actually become my new fave. I’m as surprised as you are, trust me. The Cici by Svakom is a slim, quiet, rechargeable, waterproof G-spot vibe. Normally I’d be kinda miffed about […]

Before we go any further, I’ve got a brand info-dump for you. Tracy’s Dog. What the fuck, right? Tracy’s Dog has been around for many years now, originating as an Amazon retailer of notoriously unsafe products which they frequently lied about the composition of. They moved a ton of stock to Amazon shoppers who were […]

I’m just gonna call it the G Wave – I can’t with these long-ass names. Other companies are calling their toys by single syllables, get it together Blush. The G Wave is a dual stimulator/”rabbit”style waterproof silicone vibrator, with two flexible appendages that are supposed to help get the best fit. As far as the […]

Air-pressure-wave-“suction”-doohickeys just keep coming, and I just keep trying to find one that can come even close to matching with my beloved Pro40, because one day it’s going to be discontinued and I’m gonna be in big trouble. It’s an unfortunate truth that you cannot simply stock up on electronics (or else I’d have a […]

Have you heard the great news? I’ve recently been able to add Naughty North to my affiliate repertoire! Naughty North is the Canadian counterpart to Betty’s Toy Box, and with their help I get to bring my readers up north the same great products and deals the US folks get, without paying twice over for […]

Hi there, me again, here to talk about my weird vulva, cuz this review has brought up feelings. If you don’t feel like reading that whole other post, the cliff notes are that my external clit just doesn’t exist. There’s no hood, there’s no shaft, there’s no glans – it’s not there. (Also no inner […]

The Love Triangle. Clever. In typical Satisfyer fashion, there’s a new handful of designs to choose from if you’re looking for a pressure-wave toy. The Love Triangle is a silicone-covered palm-sized gadget that is app-compatible, waterproof, pretty quiet, and has an added vibrational function. It’s definitely not the worst thing I’ve experienced from Satisfyer, but [...]

Yep, I got ’em – the brand new and improved Touch X and Tango X from We-Vibe. The Tango has been around for a decade now and has sat quite comfortably at the top of many a “best vibrators” list in this time, and for good reason. Once upon a time, my Tango was my […]

Well, Womanizer did it. I’ve been going on and on for years now about how difficult it is to pick or recommend an air-pressure/”sucking” toy because all the brands feel different – and worse – all the models inside a single brand also feel different. I find this particularly bothersome because when you’re shopping around […]

I’ve had my eye on the Nova for years and years – the same number of years I’ve thought dual “rabbit-style” vibrators would never fit my body. Unlike most dual vibes, the Nova’s clitoral arm has always been flexible which helps aid in fitting a larger variation in genital shapes and sizes, but I’ve still […]

The Premium caught my eye as soon as it came out. Admittedly, all new Womanizer products catch my eye because despite our rough start, the Pro40 has become my number-one-go-to toy, and until just recently it had been discontinued and I have spent each day in terror that my Pro40 would some day die (I’m […]

First I tried the E-stim dual-stimulator. The shape was right but the sensations were all wrong (I hate e-stim and the vibes were non-existent. It sucked.) Then I tried the The Duo and that was fucking ah-maze-balls. Then came the SenseVibe  which had power potential, but didn’t fit my clit. So I circled back around […]

I really wanted to like this dildo. I know I start so many reviews this way, but I honestly believed I had a slam dunk with the Sensi and I’m supper bummed to report that I was wrong.  Uberrime are a sorta knew company on the scene making these really gorgeous marbled dildos. They’ve got […]

So, we’re immediately changing that name because the Fantasy For Her Ultimate Pleasure Dual Oral Sex Simulator and Vibrator is a lot. Turns out “Fantasy For Her” is a line of toys in the Pipedream brand (because they make SO much shit they need sub-categories) and “Ultimate Pleasure Dual Oral Sex Simulator and Vibrator” is […]

You may recall that I previously reviewed the original Womanizer Starlet, and I fucking hated it. I hated it the most out of all the “clit sucking” toys I’ve ever owned (eleven and counting.) My body eventually warmed up to and now cant seem to go without the Pro40, and I was devastated to learn […]

I really wanted a dual-stimulator vibe that I would like. I really wanted to like the SenseVibe. I really want a lot of things in life. But I don’t get most of them. Sadly, the SenseVibe just misses the mark with me, leaving behind a long long trail of what-could-have-beens and if-onlys. I’d been considering […]

Continuing my strange new influx of dual-stimulators, we have the Duo, courtesy of Womanizer.  Out of the 3 Womanizers and 6 Satisfyers I’ve tried, I’ve only really liked maybe 3? And of those 3 total only 1 is a Womanizer – the Pro40 – which of course was discontinued last year after it became one […]

Henceforth known as “The Impulse” because that name is excessive and I won’t keep typing it. I somehow went from never having tried a dual-stimulator ever to suddenly having THREE to review. How exciting. I want to preface this by admitting that I already had a pretty good hunch I was not going to like […]

Man I just don’t know with this butt plug. Maybe it’s me, but I’m pretty sure it’s not. I think this plug is just not the best idea. The names Blush chooses are always going to bother me. When they’re not 6 novels long, they’re redundant – of course the butt plug is wearable…what kind […]

I asked the universe for more butt toys, and the universe delivered. Well, actually it was SheVibe, but that’s basically the same thing. In many ways I am a creature of habit – I find something I like and I just stick with it. Don’t fix what ain’t broke, y’know? In the realm of anal […]

Listen, I’ve tried really hard to keep up this grudge I’ve been holding against Satisfyer since our first mass-casualty incident, but Womanizer discontinuing the only model (of the 3 I tried) that I liked, jacking up the prices on the mid-range models, and revamping the style of the new ones means that this hate-on I […]

Friends, we’re moving up in the world. Only by small increments, but still. The Aria Hot Tongue Rechargeable Bullet Kit is one of several silicone shapes paired with a small plastic bullet by Blush Novelties. The bullet has five levels of steady intensity and five patterns. The bullet is waterproof and rechargeable by magnetic charging […]

This vibrator has no business sucking as much as it does. Seriously. But before I get into that, there’s something else I need to get off my tits. WHY can’t Blush just pick one name? Every damn toy’s name is the length of a novel. “Exposed” is the collection name, which encompasses 10 different vibrators […]

I said back when I took a swing at the Iroha+ Kushi that I thought maybe I’d like something less texture-y and not as broad as the body but not as pin-point as the nub. In perusing the rest of the Iroha line, I settled on the Yuki as the shape that – if any […]

The wearable remote egg vibrator has been a thing for…well for a while. I’ve owned a handful of cheap plastic blobs with wired controller attached, or little (hot pink because that’s very inconspicuous) boxy remotes that barely fit in the palm of your hand with simple on/off switches. A few of them did manage to […]

Here’s a phrase I’m getting extraordinarily comfortable with saying : I made a mistake.  I thought I was going to absolutely hate the Noje W3 – I actually turned down the offer to review it before from another retailer because I was just so very certain that I’d be writing the most uninspired trash piece […]

I did it again. I let myself be fooled by form instead of focusing on function. I’ll accept my responsibility here, but can you really blame me? The Kushi looks so fuckin’ cool. The Tenga company originally began back in 2005 making masturbation sleeves and other toys for people with penises. Tenga stands out in […]

*The original Starlet has since been discontinued from the time of this post’s publishing. The review contents remain relevant for the original model, but links have been updated to reflect the upgraded Starlet 3* With the Womanizer Pro40 being the only toy that can reliably get me off at the moment, you’d think that maybe […]

I’ve got a problem. I can barely get vibrators to work. I talked a little bit about it already in my lack-lustre review of the Mini Swan Wand, but I’m finding it more and more difficult to orgasm with traditional vibrators. Even my go-to powerhouses like the Hitachi or Eroscillator aren’t making the cut, and […]

  Do you have any idea how difficult it is to force yourself (and your autocorrect) to type the word “dodil”? Very.   The Dodil is a very neat new idea that came out last year courtesy of an accidentally brilliant Swede who, while apparently trying to help a friend create a moldable fishing lure, […]

I hate this thing. Sometimes I know I’m going to hate a toy, but when someone asks me to review it I agree anyway, because a blog of only glowingly positive reviews isn’t fair. This was not the case with the Queen Bee. I thought I’d be really into the Queen Bee, I specifically rushed […]

I feel like we need to talk a little bit about my G-Spot. I’ve talked about it before in my post specifically explaining the beginnings of my explorations into internal stimulation and the toys I liked at the time, as well as what I hoped to find in the future (more good G-spot toys), but […]

I keep saying that I’ve found “my new favorite dildo”, that I’ve found “the next perfect dildo”…and then I move on to the next one. I think it’s safe to assume this will continue to happen and I have to concede that I just like a whole lot of dildos now. My new current fave […]

In a strange turn of events for someone who, prior to starting this blog didn’t even own a dildo, I seem to have myself an embarrassment of excellent dildos lately but not a single satisfactory new vibrator is crossing my path. Who even am I anymore? I’m trying to find some good internal-use vibes to […]

I’ve been on a positive review streak as of late and I have to admit it’s been pretty nice, but you know the saying – All good things must end. Unfortunately we end with the Snug Plug. I consider myself a creature of habit. When I find pants that fit I buy 7 pairs and […]

I was astonished a few months ago to find a dildo that was so perfect it could oust my first true love – the Vixen Mustang – for my number-one-fave, so you can perhaps imagine my surprise when immediately after, I stumbled onto yet another close contender. I’ve got a hefty handful of insertables that […]

Suction cup-based dildos. It seemed like a good idea at the time… A few months back I saw Early To Bed posting about these 100% silicone dildos that were only twenty-five dollars! Affordable body-safe toys are a big deal to myself and many others in the sex-positive community, so seeing something so cheap that appeared […]

Listen up people, I’ve got somethin’ to say! I fucking love this dildo. Oh. My. Jesus. It’s so good. Not words you’re used to seeing from me, right? Well I’m just as surprised as you are. While I absolutely love them as a company that makes ethical, body-safe toys and, especially when they’re on sale, […]

God I hate this toy. I hate this toy more because it was actually not a terrible idea but the reality of it falls so short, it can only build a deep resentment for its horrible failure. MysteryVibe supposedly took a very long time in releasing this toy due to changes made from reviewer feedback, […]

I never saw myself putting something more unpleasant into my butt than that one tantus plug I bought when I was 19 and knew nothing about butts, but I was sorely mistaken. Hah. See what I did there. Sorely. Butts. YA GET IT? Oh, you will… I’m not even certain how you can get a butt […]

Oh Womanizer. I definitely don’t love you, I kind of want to hate you – truthfully, I don’t know what I feel about you. (Update : This toy eventually really grew on me and is at the top of my favorites list. It took a while and I think this review is still pretty fair […]

The Doxy Don (formerly the Skittle)…a review that has been a long time coming. Just prior to last year’s Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, Doxy put out a call on Twitter to any bloggers who would be interested in reviewing for them. I’d already reviewed their original wand, but this new prostate/G-spot toy was also available. […]

I wanted to like this toy so much, I really did. I thought I was going to finally write a really nice happy review. I’m one of those people who actually does really like to masturbate or get fucked face-down into the mattress, and it’s sort of hard and awkward to work something like a […]

This isn’t going to follow my typical review style, no, this time you’re going to hear a story, an emotional rollercoaster from start to finish, because it’s the only way I can give you all the info you need to understand why I’m going to tell you to not buy anything from the company Satisfyer […]

Oh the Rave, how excited I was, how disappointed I actually am. Unfortunately, my review of the Rave is actually more of a rant. I got ahold of the We-Vibe Rave after having discovered that G-spot vibration is actually quite nice if I do it right, and I was super hopeful that the Rave would […]

To accompany my post about how my clit works, I wrote one on my current understanding of my G-spot. I’m telling you this because I think it’s important to seeing where I’m coming from when deciding if my reviews are going to help you determine if you should buy a toy or not. If you […]

As someone who has been a fan of Tantus before even starting my blog, you could say I was over the moon in April (2016) when I heard that they were making their own vibrator – and a wand no less! As I saw more and more of the ads and newsletters being distributed prior […]