Toy Review – The Ditto by We-Vibe
I never saw myself putting something more unpleasant into my butt than that one tantus plug I bought when I was 19 and knew nothing about butts, but I was sorely mistaken.
Hah. See what I did there. Sorely. Butts. YA GET IT? Oh, you will…
I’m not even certain how you can get a butt plug so wrong, but We-Vibe managed it, which is extra disappointing to me because I keep trying really damn hard to like We-Vibe toys but so far I’ve come up only 1 for 6.
The Ditto is We-Vibe’s first foray into butt stuff but I hope it’s not their last because this thing needs improvement. Much like almost every other toy in their line, its motor is as strong and rumbly as something of its size can reasonably pack, it’s non-porous silicone, it’s waterproof, it’s app-compatible, and it’s this gorgeous deep blue color I’m really in love with. What’s so wrong with it then?
Well, first of all, I really do not understand We-Vibe’s weird obsession with magnetic charging ports considering they implement them so fucking terribly. True to We-Vibe charger fashion, if your cable is even the slightest bit kinked, your charger will not stay connected to your toy (HUGE problem with the Tango since it rolls, also a problem with the Touch – can we give up the magnets already?)
This is really the very, very, absolutely LEAST of your worries though when it comes to the Ditto. Problem numero uno is the damn shape. This toy hurts, there’s no way around it for me. We-Vibe basically took the G-spot arm from their wearables line, reinforced it a little, and put a base on it. You would think this wouldn’t be so bad, except it’s the pointiest thing I’ve ever tried putting in any of my orifices (worse than the Rave – I’m starting to think We-Vibe has a serious sharp edges problem. Who has that kind of problem when you’re designing sex toys?) The flattened off bottom and domed top leave for two thin and sharp feeling sides that my anus is none too fond of encountering. (Obviously no part of this toy is actually sharp, but our genitals are far more sensitive than other parts of our body so things that look okay can still feel very, very bad.) Sayings like “why reinvent the wheel?” and “don’t fix what ain’t broke” come to mind here. I don’t even know what the justification is for this new shape of plug, what possible benefit is it supposed to have besides just being different for the sake of being different? What’s so wrong with round plugs!?
I have to imagine that the average butt plug user would enjoy a shape that is relatively symmetrical, since it allows for stretching in all directions evenly. Unless We-Vibe is trying to tap into the odd-shapes-market, which I don’t believe they are, this design was a major mistake. I’m the kind of do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do lazy idiot who can pop an nJoy plug into her ass with a bit of spit and courage when she can’t be bothered to hunt down some lube, I go long periods of time with absolutely no butt stuff whatsoever and then jump right into a giant plug or rigorous ass-fucking, but nothing and I mean nothing in my life has ever hurt so much to insert, to the point where sometimes I just give up trying at all for the day, as the We-Vibe Ditto.
Even once the plug is in, things don’t look up. Both my vag and my ass have a short ring of tissue right at their entrances that is super duper sensitive to just about everything – this is why I don’t go for insertables with lots of bumps or ridges or other textures, they’re incredibly painful to fully thrust in and out of my body. Even some of my most plain toys can cause some issues and don’t allow for full-length thrusts, but at least once a toy’s detail is past that ring of tissue it’s usually smooth sailing. The next several inches of either orifice give no fucks about what’s in them, I can feel sensation but I hardly feel detail. I mostly just feel full. But the Ditto? Oh the Ditto….it’s the hurt that keeps on giving. I can’t find any position of myself or the toy in which my butt can forget that it’s being sharply impaled on some oblong torture device disguised as something that is supposed to cause me any kind of pleasure.
The icing on the pain cake is I think I’m not even wearing it in the correct, or rather best direction. The instructions show that it can technically be worn either way, with the domed top aiming towards your front or towards your spine, but if I were a person with a prostate I would probably want it aimed so that it could press the most upon said prostate – that is not the direction I wear it of course. The opposite direction is impossible, completely and utterly impossible for me and oh my god did I make the mistake of trying to turn it around while it was still inside me. The only pro I can think of for wearing the plug in the “wrong” direction is that at least the off-center base that I’m left to assume is supposed to cup the perineum/scrotal area when worn in the direction that would best push on the prostate, doesn’t block my vulva and is instead shoved up my butt crack.
I thought that at the very least I’d be able to hold onto the Ditto since there is a noticeable difference in size between the largest part of the insertable and the “neck” or “stem” that connects it to the base, and it seems so damn hard to get in that it must be secure, but I would yet again be very wrong. I’ve never had any trouble with any of my nJoy plugs accidentally finding their way out of my ass but when I started playing with my clit in an attempt to actually enjoy the Ditto, just a small handful of pelvic floor spasms squeezed the Ditto right out of me. I take it as a sign.
I wanted to give the Ditto one last chance before publishing a review – I wanted to try it while having PIV sex. I thought maybe it could have some small saving grace, maybe it would suddenly be really enjoyable under different circumstances, maybe it would be really great for my partner – so great I could ignore how awful it’s been for me thus far, maybe maybe maybe. I should at least try, right? To be fair?
I figured I’d give it a test run with a dildo to see if it was even going to be possible before I made a big deal of needing to incorporate it during sex, but on the day I decided to try I couldn’t even get the Ditto in my butt at all. Every angle hurt, every position hurt, I pushed and pushed but my butt was actively rejecting my plans, if my butt had its own foot then it had put its foot down, the Ditto was not happening. Just for funsies I decided I’d try putting the dildo in my ass instead and wouldn’t ya know...that was one of the easiest things I’d done all week and it felt great. Not stabby.
My butt and the Ditto are just not meant to be. The simplest of design tweaks has the potential to change everything for me, but the Ditto as it is now is a 100% no-go in my collection of things to pop into my ass and I am done trying.
Big thanks to Good Vibes for sending me the Ditto to review!