Getting To Know My G-spot
Despite possessing it for twenty-some odd years and being aware of its existence for at least a decade, I still haven’t fully grasped all the nuances of my finicky G-spot. In fact I wouldn’t claim to have even really brushed the surface – I didn’t even really start masturbating with penetration of any kind on a regular basis until I started this blog.
While vaginal penetration has always felt nice to me, it has never once in the history of ever actually managed to cause an orgasm. Every single time I have reached orgasm during manual or penile penetration it was because I was also in some way stimulating my clit. Penetration certainly adds something nice to clitoral orgasms, but I can have a clit orgasm without penetration. Not so the other way around – or so I thought but we’ll get to that later.
Partially because I simply just didn’t need internal stimulation, and partially because 90% of my masturbation is done because I just want to get to sleep and I don’t want to have to get back out of bed to wash off dildos, until I had to start reviewing them, I hardly used them. Most of my past partners also didn’t seem to disconnect G-spot stimulation from simply finger or penis thrusting, when really they can be two entirely different things that cause two entirely different sensations. I think since I only really got the former, that’s what I mostly associated with G-spot stim as well and since it didn’t totally wow me, I concluded that my G-spot just really didn’t give a fuck, and I’d stick to my clit stimulation and be just fine.
My first real moment of giving a damn about the phantom thing came almost a decade ago where I found myself in the presence of one of those guys who swears he can make any woman’s body do whatever he wants it to. I rolled my eyes as hard as you probably just did, but this one time…this one fucking time…he was right and I was wrong. Things were going the sort of way things go in my life where I’m naked and handcuffed to a bed and we were having a conversation about sex and he asks me if I’ve ever squirted. I tell him I haven’t, that I had an ex absolutely obsessed with making it happen – he watched the videos and read the tutorials and tried all the tricks – but it never worked, so I was pretty sure I just couldn’t. I tell him my G-spot has been so dormant my whole sexual life thus far that I’m not even sure it’s in there, if it just up and left me one day I couldn’t tell the difference. He tells me he could definitely make me squirt, and if there’s anything I love in life it’s making over-confident men eat their fucking ego-drenched hats so I agreed to let him try. What’s a little finger-bangging between near strangers to settle a bet, am I right?
I was instantly mortified. Not because I had soaked everything in a solid 2 foot radius of my vagina in under a minute – myself, the bed, the floor, everything on the floor, him – and not because I just kept doing it, over and over and over, but because of just how effortlessly he proved himself the victor of my bodily functions. Not once did I even get the chance to try to stop myself or hold myself back long enough to enjoy his frustration, it was just happening to me before I even knew it. I didn’t even have the sense to count the number of times he performed his little trick on me, I just know I was delirious with sensory overload and disbelief, and raw in the throat from all the screaming by the time I begged him to withdraw his hands from my body. The first time a stream of fluid involuntarily gushed out of me I know I considered that perhaps he’d just forced me to piss myself – and serves him right too that I’d pee all over him, the smug asshole who thinks he knows my body better than I do – but after the third or fourth or fifth time I realized I’d never pee’d that much in my life and he was still going. I also remembered that I had made it a point to empty my bladder before I found myself shackled to a bed because well… that’s just good sense. No, he was making quick work of utterly dehydrating me exactly the way he said he would. Turns out my G-spot was alive and well, and he hadn’t even needed to try. The bastard.
Unfortunately our story ends with him turning out to be a terrible human being who I’d never see or hear from again – otherwise I would have questions, but he did plant the seed of curiosity for the inner-workings of my genitals where I was previously totally indifferent. I was a bit swayed by my inability to replicate whatever he did to make myself ejaculate and no other person has managed it either (not that I’ve had many earnestly try, it’s not really on my bucket list or anything.) Still, at least I knew that given the right circumstances and right stimulation my G-spot could be made to respond, it wasn’t just uselessly sitting in a corner collecting dust – so to speak. I should mention that I wouldn’t call any of the many feelings I had from that encounter to be orgasm, I admit that I was not chasing the elusive G-spot orgasm at this point, just trying to make it do anything besides unnoticeably exist.
Somewhere around this encounter I also acquired my first decent vibrator (the Lelo Gigi) which was intended to be a G-spot toy. I tried pressing it into various spots of the upper wall of my vagina a few times but still didn’t get a whole lot more than that nice feeling I get from any other penetrative action, so I gave up and went back to paying all of my attention to my clit. Don’t fix what ain’t broke, right?
Fast forward a few years and I dig out this G-spotting wand attachment from the pile of toys my husband owned. At that time I wasn’t even a big fan of the Hitachi (oh how things change) and still not all familiar with what – if anything besides that one guy’s fingers – would make my G-spot happy, but I decided to give it a shot. I was not impressed. Much like the Gigi, it just felt pokey, and like too much work for what little it was worth.
After that I had continued to enjoy that niceness of penetration and I’ve fucked lots of dicks and fingers and toys to provide that, but I still wasn’t experiencing the magic of the G-spot at it’s full potential I knew it had. Determined, I ponied up the cash to drop on an nJoy Pure Wand – the ultimate G-spot conquerer, if you pay attention to what just about everybody else with a G-spot will tell you. I thought perhaps I could finally replicate whatever it was that Mr. Douchebag With Magic Fingers had done to me with this tool specifically designed for such a purpose, but I found myself let down and out quite a bit of cash in the process. Alas, the Pure Wand is just another toy that feels nice in my ever-growing pile of toys that just feel nice.
I acquired my Purewand a little over a year ago at the time I’m writing this, and after my disappointment with it I decided to yet again write off my G-spot as the impossible little shithead I’ve come to know it as, so when a vibrating egg showed up in my house as a surprise from my husband a few months later I was a bit baffled. I’ve always considered my husband to be someone who really knew my body (or would just ask if he didn’t) and I couldn’t think of any time I would have indicated to him in any way that G-spot toys are a thing that I would want or like. I don’t think in our 8 years together he has ever seen me put a vibrator inside of me (with the exception of the Sybian incident) so why was an internal vibrating toy showing up in my possession? Did he think I’d just never tried before, like the idea hadn’t yet dawned on me? Was this supposed to be new and novel to me? Turns out it was also remote-controlled and I guess he just failed to notice I’d acquired the We-Vibe 4plus not but a few weeks earlier and went and bought something else he saw online and the fact that I’m not really a G-Spot vibe type of person just didn’t factor into the decision making process… but I tried it anyway because it’s a rare occurrence that he takes a real interest in my toys and it’s the nice thing to do when someone gets you a present.
This stupid toy, much as I kind of hate to admit it, changed my damn life. The Lush by Lovense is the first vibrator I’ve tried that was shaped in such a way that it actually applies its own pressure to my G-spot (which I’ve come to decide is tucked up pretty high behind my pubic bone and is why it never receives very intense stimulation from penetrating things that just barely brush up against it.) Not having to press and hold things tightly to the upper wall of my vag just makes the entire experience easier to enjoy. I have a difficult time classifying the type of vibration the Lush puts out, I’d call it fairly rumbly but not the rumbliest, it gets the tiniest bit buzzy when it hits the highest settings but it turns out that’s what I like.
The Lush gave me my very first G-spot only orgasm – and it was terrible. I think that another side effect of my age/medication/whatever various body changes is that I now must experience a highly intense orgasm or it’s actually painful to me. This was not always the case and seems to be something that has only just in the last few years developed. Orgasms that get cut short or are caused by weak toys, or come internally rather than clitorally cause painful sharp uterine cramps. I think I probably get from intense orgasms as well, but when I have those I usually push myself past the peak of that orgasm and either have a second or take a long time to bring myself back down, so whatever cramping is happening is being drowned out by pleasure feelings, and has subsided by the time I’m shaking and out of breath, tossing my vibrator aside. Despite the part where it fucking hurts me though, I did finally learn that my G-Spot can and will respond to vibration and not just that one guys stupid hands.
Since discovering there actually is a kind of internal vibration that even matters to my body, I find myself reaching for it more often than not. I get a bit disappointed nowadays when I don’t have the time or ability to pop the Lush in when I want to masturbate (in tandem with a clitoral vibrator of course, since I don’t want tough orgasms that hurt.) I’ve recently gotten a G-Spot cap for my Hitachi that I’m pretty into, and I’m kind of eager to start looking for more G-Spot toys after years of just writing it off as a lost cause.
I felt it was important to share this timeline for a number of reasons. I think a lot of people get stuck with this “broken” feeling when they find out their body doesn’t respond the way the world says it “should.” Particularly right now with squirting seeming to be “trending”, there’s a lot of media being pushed at people with vaginas that says “anyone/everyone can!” but that may not be true, and I certainly remember the disappointment I felt when that past ex couldn’t get my body to behave how he wanted. I follow other bloggers who are super in-tune with their G-spots and absolutely love any and all stimulation, but I’ve been struggling to even feel any noticeable sensation for the better part of a decade. It’s important to not beat yourself up over these sorts of things and remember that every body is truly honestly different and however it does or does not respond to touch is okay.
I also think it’s important information for people who come looking for reviews of internal-use toys and want to really understand why I did or did not like the product. The Purewand, for example, has a bajillion raving reviews saying it’s the best thing in the whole world, so readers may be shocked to hear that I don’t care for it – this explains why.
Finally, I tend to say that I don’t have G-spot orgasms, and it used to be true that I simply couldn’t. Now the fact is that I can, but I choose not to because as I mentioned above, they fucking hurt by themselves. If the conversation is about penetration alone (no mention of vibration) I will also usually say that I can’t cum that way because it’s simpler than explaining this entire post. I incorporate a lot more penetration and G-spot play into sex and masturbation now that I’m getting a better idea of how to make it pleasureable, but even when I choose to do that I am first and foremost focusing on heavy clitoral stimulation so that I don’t get stuck with those cramps. Even if it’s not ONLY clitoral stimulation, I consider the orgasms I have to be clitoral orgasms. Some people talk about “blended orgasms” but honestly I don’t feel like I’m getting a ton of “orgasmic activity” coming from my G-spot so I choose not to identify them as blended even if my G-spot is in play at the time.
I’ve been wrangling these weird and sometimes complicated feelings about apparently not knowing my own body that well for some time. I’ve questioned every time I’ve written a dildo review if my opinions are even valid if I can’t tell what the fuck is going on with my own genitals. I’ve started to come to a place of acceptance with my G-spot and its oddness, though I truthfully must say that acceptance has been helped along by my new-found ability to actually feel it (and I do sort of wish I’d been able to find that acceptance before this. I admit I’m sort of reinforcing the idea that a body must work a certain way in order to be pleased with it – I’m rarely as kind and understanding with myself as I tell other people they ought to be.) I hope this writing has been useful to someone else in some way, but if not at least I finally wrote it all down. I’m excited and optimistic to continue exploring and learning new things about myself.