Mini Review Round-up
Below you’ll find a list of toys that I’m just probably not going to ever get around to writing a full 4000-word review for, but I occasionally reference them in other reviews and they’re listed in my Nightstand so I wanted to at least say something about them. If you have any further questions feel free to drop me a line.
Crave Pocket Vibe : Buzzy as fuck. I actually like my Vesper which is a fraction of a fraction of the size of the Pocket Vibe and yet somehow I feel like a necklace has more oomph than Crave’s hefty metal expensive take on the Pocket Rocket. A very regretful purchase.
Doxy Number 3 – I tried to get a review sample of this mini wand twice and both of them arrived broken, and then my emails went unanswered. It’s probably a nice little wand when it works, but I wouldn’t know.
L’amourose Prism V : I bought this vibrator thinking that I would like to try some sort of G-spot stimulation but resigned to the idea that like everything else I’d owned, I’d probably be using it on my clit instead – but oh was I wrong. At the time the Prism V arrived I hadn’t quite yet embarked on my G-spot realization quest and did truly find it to be a disappointing clit vibe (still do) and stuffed it into a drawer for a while, but once I got my G-spot to wake the fuck up, I dug the Prism V back out and it has become a G-spot fave for me. I like deep curve of the head and that I can press down on the end of the handle to shove it up behind my pubic bone nice and snug to my G-spot. I like how lightweight it is, I love the separate speed/intensity and pattern controls, and how it’s fairly quiet for packing such a rumbly punch. My only complaint is that I find the buttons difficult to push with the pads of my fingers and wind up needing to use my nails to hit them hard enough. Fumbling with difficult buttons is never my idea of fun, and I will never use this toy in a situation where I might get caught and need to turn it off in a hurry. On the upside, it will probably never accidentally turn on in my luggage.
Lelo Gigi : My first “luxury” vibe, used to love it, nowadays I don’t even bother to keep it charged – I like other stuff better. Not a bad vibe but obviously not my fave, could still get me off in a pinch. Has since been upgraded to a “2” by Lelo.
Lelo Smart Wand Large : I bought this because I thought I wanted a waterproof wand for the bathtub. As it turns out I don’t really like using most of my sex toys while actually in the bath – it’s tough for me to get comfortable and the vibrations are different underwater, it’s not nearly as pleasurable as I imagined it would be. The vibrations aren’t terrible but I don’t think it has the power of my Hitachi. I feel like it loses a bit of oomph when I actually press it into my skin. I don’t like the very rounded head as I usually use a wand with a bit of an “edge” to it to hit my clit right. I basically never use it.
Lovense Ambi : Not a bad little clit vibe. I had hoped it would replace my Tango (because it’s dead) but I find that the vibration travels into the handle quite a lot and I feel like that takes away from the vibration in the rest of the toy. I like it a lot better than the Mini Swan but I don’t think it’s going to be one of my go-tos.
Lovense Lush : I talk about this vibe a lot but I just don’t see myself writing multiple paragraphs about it. It’s one of my most favourite G-spot toys and my favourite app-controlled device as well. For such a small and crowd-funded vibrator the Lush packs a wonderfully strong and rumbly motor, completely unlike any other bullet/egg toy that resembles it. The Lush is the first toy that got me to actually start feeling good G-spot feels after years and years of utter dormancy. I also love the app interface – everything about Lovense’s design is so simple intuitive to me. I rag on We-Vibe constantly for making such a shitty app in comparison to Lovense. Lovense doesn’t come with any company-created patterns but creating your own is as simple as drawing your finger across your phone or tablet screen, and you can upload and download user-created patterns to share with the entire user database. It could not possibly be any easier to use.
Lovense Osci : I am REALLY disappointed that Lovense decided to change from their original design of this toy. If you check back into their indiegogo campaign they used to fund their new line, they had first designed it so that there was a little nub that stuck up instead of this inward cup shape at the end, which was supposed to sort of thump against your G-Spot. THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I NEED but for whatever reason they abandoned that idea and inverted the toy instead. Supposedly their reviewers said the toy was too intense. Clearly they didn’t ask me, while I like the Lush, none of Lovense’s toys are “too intense” for me (also there’s low settings, you don’t have to turn it all the way up?) It’s not the worst thing I’ve ever put inside of me but it’s not at all what I’d hoped for and I wouldn’t hesitate to chalk it up to one of my regretful purchases.
We-Vibe Tango : I mention it briefly in this review, but I don’t have much else to say, and many others have reviewed it. I used to use it almost daily, but eventually it – like most traditional vibes – stopped working for my clit. Even the upgrade didn’t put it back in my usual rotation. Still a great vibe! Just not for me anymore.
Womanizer 2Go : I bought this model after reading that the sensation across the different tips of the Womanizers can be a bit different. The shape and size of the 2Go tip varies slightly from the Pro40 and I was hoping for a bit broader stimulation to get more bang for my buck. I hate that the 2Go intensities only cycle up on a single button, I always forget if I’m on 5 or 6 and wind up cycling back down to 1 and losing my orgasm. I do find the different tip changes the sensation, but perhaps that it makes it more harsh rather than covering more area like I’d hoped. The harshness somehow doesn’t translate to a higher intensity, it errs just on this side of hurtful and actually feels like it’s hitting all but the spot I need it to. I can still get off but it’s not better than the Pro40
BS Atelier Alex Noise : One of BS’s prettiest products, mine is light blue with red and yellow splashes of silicone resembling a Jackson Pollock piece. I appreciate the smaller size and lack of huge pronounced detailing that I usually find too irritating to use. I don’t have anything remarkably great to say about it, but I don’t dislike it either. It’s a good option to have.
Divine Interventions Jackhammer Jesus : This was a dildo my husband owned before we met. I don’t care for a lot of texture, it’s pretty firm silicone for my tastes, and I just don’t care much about sacrilege, so I never use it.
Doc Johnson Vac-u-lock Dildos (2) : I bought these at the time I purchased my fucking machine. I did not realize just how big they were when I ordered them. They are extremely firm and just too large for me to use, so I don’t.
Godemiche Ambit : I bought this dildo because I needed something that was compatible with my fucking machine’s vac-u-lock attachment but was not some giant wavy veiny painful mess that most of the vac-u-lock dildos tend to be. I don’t have any strong feelings about this toy by itself – it fits fine, it feels fine, it works fine – but I don’t reach for it by itself very often. It definitely has a single distinct purpose (the fucking machine) and it serves that purpose adequately. (note : I bought from Godemiche direct to get a custom color combo and request the hole in the base rather than flat or suction cup. Other retailers have their own batches in specific colors and base options that may vary)
Hole Punch Toys CJ Hooker: A bit larger and firmer than I was hoping for. Not a bad toy but not in my top picks
Hole Punch Toys Fluke : I really wanted to like this dildo because Hole Punch is a great company, it’s so pretty and it looks like a good shape for me, but it turned out to be way too large. I can’t even get it into my mouth, it refuses to insert past my pubic bone, and there’s probably no way I’m getting it into my ass. If I can’t ever use it, I can’t review it.
New York Toy Collective Shilo : I love this gorgeous dildo. The shape and squish feel very similar to the Blush Helio, but the length is much more doable for me and the inner core is posable (though not always strong enough to hold the shape I put it in, but I need a pretty harsh upward angle to hit my G-spot) Overall very solid purchased and I’m super pleased with it.
nJoy Pure Wand : I’m not nearly as wowed by the Pure Wand as other reviewers have been. It’s currently my smallest insertable so it’s good for effortless and warm-up-less penetration, but my g-spot doesn’t seem to respond the way other people’s seem to – outside of the smooth metal and size it’s just like any other dildo for me. I often find it too heavy to keep up with vigorous thrusting so I don’t even use it until I’m already close to orgasm so my arm doesn’t feel like it’s going to fall off. I like it, I don’t OMG LOVE IT. It’s never made me squirt or have earth-shattering orgasms or any of the other things it does for lots of other people.
PrisToys Pegasus and Solaris : I’ve had my eye on PrisToys for a while and was just dying for them to come out with a smaller model (their first few were rather large) so when they dropped the Solaris I jumped on it. It’s a bit firmer than I expected but in use it turned out to not be so bad. It’s not always my first choice, but it’s not collecting dust at the bottom of the pile either. The Pegasus is on the bigger side, but it’s a bit squishier and less detailed, so it’s actually about as easy for me to use as the smaller Solaris. They’re both gorgeous.
Realdoll Realcock DTF : This one was a very expensive disappointment. The sculpting is a bit lop-sided which…is realistic I guess…but still sort of odd for such a pricey piece. The coloring is incredible. The feel is terrible. The soft outer layers are too thin and just feel kind of pinchy over the hard plastic core. I’ve got a dozen dual-density dildos for a tenth of the price that feel not only more comfortable, but more realistic than this hyper-realistic piece.
Tantus Anaconda Handle : Another dildo I bought not realizing it’s true size. The Anaconda is way too girthy and firm for me to use comfortably. I also don’t find toys with handles all that more easy to use than those without, it’s not like the toy bends so for me to reach the handle rather than the base of the toy I have to be practically sitting up, this is not an advantage in my opinion.
Tantus Flurry O2 : I picked up the Flurry after realizing the Cush was almost always going to be too large for me to really use, but I wanted to try more of Tantus’ dual-density line. The Flurry’s size is much more manageable but the bumps on the shaft are far more pronounced than the wrinkle on the Cush, which cause a problem for me as I can’t take a lot of texture/detail/weird shapes scraping against my insides. The Flurry fixed one problem but created another, so I don’t use it very often, especially now that I’ve found a favourite in their SuperSoft line.
Tantus Vamp : Also too big and firm. I’d be willing to try the new SuperSoft version but I’m still not sure the general shape would really ‘wow’ me. I could always be wrong though, perhaps time will tell.
Touch My Wood Custom Piece : I bought a gorgeous wooden piece from Touch My Wood carved in Purple Heart, but unfortunately it seems they’ve ceased business. I don’t use it super often as rigid insertables aren’t my favourite, but it’s currently my only wooden piece and I’ve enjoyed it in the times I have used it.
Uberrime Astra and Praesto : I snagged both of these in a sale on super-soft “flops” even though there’s nothing “wrong” with either of them (in my mind.) They’re both delightfully squishy just how I like it. The Praesto is a slightly more managable alternative to the Dulce (which I loved) and the Astra is pretty similar to the Strupala from Amavidi.
Aslan Leather Jaguar Harness and rodeOH briefs : I like them both, they each have a unique feel. The rodeOHs are obviously easier to clean, but I can’t change the size of the o-ring so my dildo size is more limited than with the Jaguar. The rodeOhs are also easier to get on and off, but I have a more limited access to my own genitals than with the Jaguar, and I cannot position them any other way than as they are when I wear them.
Lelo Luna Beads : I picked these up in a christmas sale and then felt guilty and made some charity donations because Lelo is a shit company and I hate doing anything to support them. Unfortunately their kegel beads/ben wa balls are still the ones that come most recommended, and I can never convince myself to dig my kGoal out of the drawer and charge it up so I thought I’d try something less high-tech. I havent been able to fit two beads inside me at the same time, so I’ve always just got 3 spare beads lying around, and I can barely feel it when I only wear one of them. I dont know if that means my vagina is super strong or super numb, but I completely forget it’s in there. I don’t think that’s how it’s supposed to work.
Liberator Pulse : I picked this up second-hand because I’ve been struggling to decide which toy-mount piece from Liberator I want and can’t be sure any of them are really going to work the way I need them to (and that’s a lot of fucking money to waste if they don’t.) It is fun to use but I don’t get the full experience from it. The small vibrator pockets you’re supposed to be able to pop a bullet into so that you can grind your clit against it while rocking back and forth on a dildo don’t really hold my Tango (the only toy I have of the proper size) steady, but they’re also just not in the right placement for my body either. My clit doesn’t really reach the pockets if I’m sitting back on the form the way I feel comfortable, but even if I shift forward to make contact, the form is curved inward so the toy isn’t being pressed firmly enough against my vulva to matter. Unfortunately the curved shape of the Pulse also means I can’t wedge a different toy underneath me, so the Pulse is for dildo riding only – not really what I wanted or expected, so I’m really glad I didn’t pay full price.
Liberator Wing : I got this one after deciding I wasn’t really into the Pulse but still wanted something to place under me for occasional riding. It works out a lot better. I also use it to prop my legs up sometimes.
nJoy Pure Plug Large : I’ve discussed my collection of steel butt plugs in this post and at the time of writing, had not yet acquired the largest of the 3. There’s not much else I can say about the largest size that I didn’t already write about the small and medium except that it’s bigger and heavier.
PleasureWorks Pop Top Smooth : I bought this because I need a way to use my HMWR without fearing for its life every time I need to wash the head (which is often.) I’d hoped that I could just slide this silicone cover on and off for washing and never have to put the actual vibrator anywhere near my sink ever again. I assumed that because it’s made by the same company that made the Deluxe G-Spotter cap that I enjoyed and fit perfectly fine over my HMWR, it wouldn’t be a problem. Unfortunately, for whatever reason I can’t seem to get the Smooth to fit onto my HMWR. Even if I use a ton of lube (which I didn’t need for the Deluxe G-spotter) I can’t seem to push the cap on all the way (there’s a huge gap of space between the top of the wand head and the top of the cap, which causes a massive dampening of vibration) and I’m afraid I’m going to tear it if I try to force it. If you look at the two caps side-by-side there’s an obvious enormous difference in size and shape, I’m really not clear on how this could possibly happen.
Sheets of San Francisco : When I got these as a review sample I thought I was getting something more akin to Liberator’s throw blanket, but what I actually got was a full queen-sized flat sheet. I’m not a squirter and really dont have occasion to have sex that gets that messy so these went unused for a really long time. I actually broke them out during the first year of the pandemic because I fostered a pair of ducklings and needed to protect my floors and furniture from tons of ducky poo. I even bought a second one. I’m sure that’s not the maker’s intended purpose but they definitely worked! They stood up to dozens of hot water machine washes (I dont think thats how they’re supposed to be washed) so they get a stamp of approval from me.
Sportsheets Thigh Cuff : Unfortunately this harness just never gets used. The dildo opening is smaller than just about every toy I own and does not stretch or have an adjustable O-ring.
Tantus Fantasy Gag : Despite going off the website measurements and checking with my dildos that I would be able to fit it inside my mouth, this penis shaped gag is still somehow too large for me to even get my jaw around much less hold in my mouth for an extended period of time, so I never get to use it.
See my article here : Choosing The Right Type Of Lube
b-Vibe Rimming Plug: I won this in a giveaway. It’s a pretty hefty plug which is understandable for the needed mechanics, but that makes it less comfortable for me (compared to things like the nJoy plugs) I’m not wild about the rotating beads that are supposed to simulate a rimming feeling. The vibrations are okay but I also don’t need those so much either. I’m pretty boring when it comes to butt toys – the less they do the better.
Oxballs Ergo: I love that this plug is super soft, but I struggle to keep it in place because of the size of the neck, I need it to have a much larger difference in size from the plug part to keep it secure.